Just cropdusted the office
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
