Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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