I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
