im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
