if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
