just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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