I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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