There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
