Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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