OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
