Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
