Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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