the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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