just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
