Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
