i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am available for nakedness
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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