oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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