I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
