i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
