Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
