I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
