I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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