Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
