I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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