He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
