Sry I called you an 8
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
