you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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