My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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