I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
