i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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