i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
