i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
