well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
