tell your sister to shave her snatch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
