Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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