I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize