This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.