I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going