I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost