I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ