Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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