so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
