I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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