Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
