Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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