Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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