I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
