people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
