if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
