please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
