Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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