Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
