girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.