did you get engaged???
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch