I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized