i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you