my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there's paper in my vomit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know