Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.

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  (310): my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis. http://tfl.nu/isfk
  Replies (18) Good night (1307) Bad night (3317)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.

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  (407): He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy. http://tfl.nu/rtg1
  Replies (41) Good night (1961) Bad night (8373)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

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  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3518) Bad night (3701)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.

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  (973): I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend. http://tfl.nu/fzd9
  Replies (7) Good night (3491) Bad night (960)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR

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  (724): he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR http://tfl.nu/mrnu
  Replies (7) Good night (2459) Bad night (1244)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.

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  (406): As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins. http://tfl.nu/zjez
  Replies (21) Good night (5547) Bad night (1286)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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  (678): I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count http://tfl.nu/smaa
  Replies (4) Good night (1681) Bad night (1016)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.

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  (+44): I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though. http://tfl.nu/88hx
  Replies (2) Good night (817) Bad night (1513)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

  (516): View more from New York

  lol... you weighed it?

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  (631): Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night? (516): lol... you weighed it? http://tfl.nu/fdcm
  Replies (11) Good night (4173) Bad night (923)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.

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  (540): I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish. http://tfl.nu/1i5o
  Replies (8) Good night (1182) Bad night (688)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.

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  (513): Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse. http://tfl.nu/2bnv
  Replies (1) Good night (1079) Bad night (589)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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  (305): I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob. http://tfl.nu/2wm2
  Replies (2) Good night (443) Bad night (465)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.

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  (781): Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/7fu0
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (678)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Maybe for her....

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Her problem, not mine

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  (775): Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA? (1-775): Maybe for her.... (775): Her problem, not mine http://tfl.nu/f1v7
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (321)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool

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  (919): We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool http://tfl.nu/zthr
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (294)

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