woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.