she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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