I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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