So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is wine microwaveable?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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