Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
