Moan for me like Helen Keller
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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