New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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